Something has been tugging at me, so I thought I should share.
You know, there is a rational side to life. Set a goal, work towards it, and you will likely achieve it. Nothing supernatural, there is no magic, just work hard and get damned good at whatever you do. Right?
Well, that kind of rational attitude falls apart when irrational things start to occur. I would like to give a few recent examples.
First though, I must admit that I am “thick as a brick” when it comes to sensitivity. This is both a benefit and a harm. The difficulties this lack of sensitivity present are many. If I am in a guided meditation, for instance, and the leader says things like “you are walking down a garden path…etc” I just cannot do it. Period. Or if someone says “Imagine an orange in your hand” I just cannot do it.
Now spirit tends to use visualization and imagination to convey messages to us. In “Conversations with God” by Neale P Walsh, “God” tells us, essentially “how else can we communicate?”
So…its been frustrating, and subconsciously worrying. I can hear pretty good, but you know, it is hard to differentiate “mind speak” and Holy Spirit. I just don’t know which is which, usually. So I don’t trust it too much. Nothing prophetic is revealed to me, which indicates that I may be merely tapping into my own subconscious mind, and not God.
But this thickness also has its benefits. First off, I cannot be hypnotized. “Suggestions” don’t seem to work on me very easily.
I have met a number of people who are just too taken in by the visions they get. I was in a “physical mediumship development circle” with 3 mediums and 2 others like myself, once a week, for a few months. The room was totally darkened, so dark you could not tell if your eyes were open or closed.
The mediums were all “Oh I just saw a flash of red light. Yeah, I saw it too. I see little stars floating and swirling, etc.”
I did not see anything. I occaisonally felt things, but did not see, and the purpose of the group was for objective proof ie seen by everyone. Did things happen, or was it suggestion? Only one time did the whole group see the same thing, a tiny flash of light. It was interesting, but not too impressive.
In hindsight, perhaps I was being protected, not frustrated. One medium was “possessed” for a while by a spirit. She was soon released, and she is used to it and allows it to happen, but disconcerting for the rest of us, none the less. I would feel some pressure, and often my hand/arm would shake, but that was about it. Sounds like a lot…trust me, it was not. I may have been thinking about how something was supposed to happen, and suggested it to myself. Again, the purpose was objective proof.
So…I am kind of insensitive about these things. So when something supernatural occurs, I take notice.
About 3 months ago, I was working at a job that I disliked, for many reasons. I had often prayed for deliverance, a change up, preferably something that God would want me to do ie some guidance. And a “good” job did come up. I thought for several reasons it would be better, so I prayed in earnest for it. I prayed with feeling. The job closed, did not get it. Then 2 weeks later, I got another call. “Still interested?” You bet. Got the job.
It was a nightmare, in the beginning. After training, I went on my own. In the first night, I did about 2X as many calls as normal. Every single piece of equipment broke down, somehow. It got to the point that I was in tears. I cried out “Give me a break here. If one more thing goes wrong, I am going to lose it.”
No more calls that night.
Hmmm…. strange. Thankful, but strange.
2-3 Weeks passed, the job was getting easier. I get fired. Why? Well a string of bad “luck.” In the space of a week, about 10 things go wrong. Every step I took seemed logical and reasonable. But for so many things to go wrong, at once, was remarkable. As a coworker said, “this kind of stuff happens over 2 or 3 months. Its weird how it happened to you in one week.” The boss could not take it anymore. So, I was fired.
Now what was interesting was what was said at my dismissal. I was accused of stealing things, especially tools. I had bent tools. Both are utterly false. I take God seriously. I would never knowingly steal. Mislay, maybe. Not steal. I had also apparently told company secrets to the competition, in great detail. Dates, prices, products. Again. utterly false, I had not spoken to anyone.
This last bit is, in my opinion, supernatural. Either the boss was making stuff up, to justify, or something/someone was framing me. I don’t honestly thing the boss was making stuff up. He was pretty convincing. But the details of my “reveal” was substantial. I was not lying, about any of it.
So… what happened?
Is it a coincidence that so many things went wrong? Was it a curse? Was I under demonic attack? Did God intervene, ie God did not want me to do this, so He sabotaged the work? Especially since a new, much more appropriate job offer has come in?
Well, I think this. I don’t think it was a curse, though I did for a while. I do think I have been oppressed, probably for most of my life. When I fought the oppression, the whispers, they started fighting back. I also think that God intervened, to push me in a different direction. Same as Jonah and the whale.
Hmmm…. case two, 2 days later
Lately, I had sworn off video games, and movies that are not good for me. And you know, Friday night, I felt a pressure to watch. I resisted. More pressure. It was like a hand pressing on my chest. I resisted. Started feeling lightheaded, and dissociated. More pressure. Eventually, shamefully, I gave in. I am now praying to be more resilient.
This pressure showed me that oppression is real, and resistance is going to be a tough time. It is not academic, you know?
What pressure do you have? What are you being guided to do, or to stop?
Do you give in to the pressure: “What does it matter if I eat that last cookie, drink that last beer, smoke that cigarette, watch porn, swear, whatever”?
Yes, it does matter. Because that pressure is oppression. When you let some spirit take over your actions, when you give in to the “suggestions” that you know are not good for you, you are making that spirit your Ruler.
I never really understood this. I mean, in my intellect I understand that God/ Yeshua/Holy Spirit is supposed to be my Ruler. But reality not academic, but real. When I was a catholic, it was even worse. Do whatever you want, but then say confession, and you are absolved from whatever sin. That’s what it seemed, anyway.
But you know, as these events showed to me recently, there is something bigger happening here. Maybe we should all start having respect to this bigger stuff, become aware of it, rather than “hiding” behind the bible and sinning anyway. Perhaps we need to open our eyes more and see the patterns for good and for ill, and try to correct our paths.
Wish me luck. Maybe pray for me, if you desire. I think I am going to need it.